It's been fun rediscovering my blog from a fresh perspective: one year older.
I am most happy to report that my struggle with success has subsided. Getting that worry out of the way as a sophomore was nice because we all know the college pressure only builds util a decision(s) is made. In the midst of it, my concern for college is not success but finding a location that I'll thrive in. I haven't done any visits or even taken a real ACT, but I am comfortable with where I am in the process.
Motivation has still been a problem for me. The theme of my school year has been priorities, with God residing at the top of that list.
In August I jumped into school with the wrong attitude. I was prepared for junior year being a pain in the butt and not getting the classes I wanted saddened me even more. Placed in Team Sports with only seven other girls in a class of 30 upperclassmen, going to P.E. stressed me out way more than it should have. I moped over the loss of my beloved ceramics period. That A.P. U.S. History class that I decided would interest me turned out to be merely a rigorous preparation for the A.P. test (a.k.a. more reading of a text book than I ever thought humane). Spanish 4 honors promised to be the greatest year of language I had taken thus far and it is, but that translates to more work for student and teacher.
The point is I was feeling the tension between impossible amounts of homework and accumulating extra-curriculars. The cliff I approached was when I stopped enjoying the activities that I wanted to do because of the burden of things that I had to do. I started crying every time I got in my car and my conversations with God turned into one sided pleas for help. Most of the time I couldn't see God in my life at all.
There were numerous sources of inspiration for what I did next. The issue I needed to face was putting God at the top of my priorities and starting over without dropping everything else. My parents urged me to cut down on the amount of dance classes I was taking, and I met that with opposition It breaks your heart to give up something you love for the things you only have to do. That idea was so backwards to me because dance is a stress reliever for me. I was one of the oldest and most committed dancers at the studio and I wanted desperately to be an example for the younger dancers. If I were on my own I would have done it differently, however, I obeyed my parents and quit two dance classes for the rest of the year.
My life did not get any easier. My friends at school might not understand why I do what I do. However my mood definitely improved and I now I know what to fight for when my life is crowded with responsibilities. I want my everyday life, everything I do to point to Jesus and strengthen my relationship with God.
I overcame a situation familiar to almost all high school students with the best solution possible. Even so, the month of February has been a blur, and I all I want to do now is go lay in the snow and enjoy snow day, an obvious gift from God.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
This week in terms of "The Sky is Blue" was an experiment. Since my last post I have tried to keep of list of my prominent thoughts that have potential to be the next post. The problem is that I couldn’t choose just one! So I’ve decided to post the highlights of my list and I would love feedback on any one of the topics.
1. It’s been too long since I’ve seen the stars or bothered to look. Where I live the visibility is definitely limited and it takes about thirty minutes for eyes to fully adjust, time which I cannot spare most nights. Apparently Mars is visible this time of year. Hopefully I will take a night to do this when I have a break in a of couple weeks.
2. A note to teachers: Every once in a while, we hesitate to answer your questions not because we’re too lazy to think but because we take your class seriously and actually feel the pressure to prove ourselves/not disappoint. Personally I don’t appreciate being underestimated (or complaining but I do value honesty).
3. It’s not that I’ve never killed a spider myself or found enough mercy to just walk away. I don’t quite know why I am scared some times and not others. And to clarify from last week’s post, I do feel some shame because I know that a spider is just one of God’s loved creatures and that it does amazing things. I have channeled a lot of hate towards spiders. I hope they didn’t take it personally. I wonder if all hate is like that. It’s hard to tell when people really mean it, if they ever do.
4. I wish people would consider the amount of gossip that they generate. Of course I do it, too, just because it fills up conversations but honestly I like silence. I wish it wasn’t so uncomfortable to people because when we try to make things up in attempt to start conversation, it’s not genuine. Being around people that gossip just makes me more uncomfortable and weary of what they could say about me, which is not a mind frame I desire. There is certainly a place for good (constructive) gossip, however.
5. Wouldn’t it be cool to see another color in addition to the one’s on our color wheel? I often think about why God used what colors where.
Some of these may seem trivial to other people, ideas get that way.